pseudo relationships. . .
Tuesday, April 24, 2007got this from ivan's blog. .i can so relate to this! 
"PARANG KAYO, PERO HINDI"
She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be"friends." They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark.
"Parang sila, pero hindi."
. . .
She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates,flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something.
Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman?
Why does he hold her close on the dance floor?
Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?
Sila kaya?"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."
. . .
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it.
He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then.
But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too.
There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
. . .
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates inposh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it.
"We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this — whatever it is."
. . .
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage.
Others call it MU or mutual understanding.
Pseudo-relationships.
Pseudo-boyfriends.
Flings.
Almost like a relationship, but not quite.
It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi. This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo –usually the guy — may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang magi-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyung "the real thing", doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun,if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling. Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
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wherever you are. . .
Monday, April 23, 2007
i dreamt of my dad the other night and it's just strange because i seldom see him in my dreams. . in my dream, we were just looking at each other. .no altercation nor discussion. .no expression on our face. .no physical contact. .i wanted to hug him and ask if he's pleased of who i am right now or what i have accomplished so far. .so many things to say, many questions unreciprocated. .but in my dream, something was holding me back from doing those things. .it's like i'm wedged and i can't do anything about it. . i had tears in my eyes when i woke up. .the longing for him has always been with me. . my dad bought me this piano and i started playing it when i was 3 and a half years old my biological father died in an accident when i was barely a year-old. .it left a big crack on our family. .luckily, my mom and i carried on with our lives. .it wasn't easy for her and i can relate to what she has gone through (only hers is better). .i was amazed that she never felt trapped in a world of self-pity and vulnerability. .i always see her as a strong and steadfast icon that i always look up to. .but growing up, i've always envied kids who has a father who looks after them. .a father who's THERE. .on the other hand, i guess things are better this way. .it would've been more painful if he will leave later on. .when my marriage failed, it was an ultimate catastrophe. .i don't want my kids to feel the emptiness i'm feelin' all these years. .i don't have a better solution for my situation right now, but with faith, hope and hardwork (lots!), i may be able to resuscitate. . . we make mistakes, and regrets are our luggage. . the video reminds me that death is a commingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time. .hope is grief's best music. .the greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart. .never lose hope. .
i felt restless. .
love is bitter, yet it is the bread that keeps us. .
i love to see the ocean's beauty
and the moon that shines above
alone in the sand looking at the stars
wishing someday i would find true love
would it be nice to see the morning
with the one you love the most
would it be nice to say goodnight
to the one you hold so close
to your heart. . to your heartthe wind that blows the dove
is the wind that blows my love
hope it'll find its way to you
wherever you arei love to sit in fields of green
looking deeply through the sky
watching birds as they fly by
hoping someday fate will bring me true love
would it be nice to hold someone
so dear, near your heart
would it be nice to hear those words "i love you"
from the one that you love. .that you lovei'd love to see myself one day
in the arms of someone
who will share her life with me
selflessly. . . someday. . .
you will find your way. . . to me . . .
felicità. . .
Saturday, April 14, 2007something for me to be happy about. . .temporaneamente
easter eve with my uber beautiful cousins and friends. . .
. . .and THOR! *puso* *puso* *puso* hehehehe!
our greatest natural resource is the minds of our children. . be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to play and to look up at the stars. .
last but not the least. . my easter bunnies! best time i've ever had 
just looking at them makes me feel serene and blessed. .incomparable!
wither. . .
Thursday, April 12, 2007livin in mendacity. .
every finger pointed at me. . .
all i want is just to
v a n i s h . .
ever not so fortified heart, i find insufferable. . .many will be exultant, if i abscond. . .
every single soul. . .am i just being perverse?
leavin' will be an effortless way out. . .
only a hint of recollection is all i hold dear to me. . .
never will i turn back. . .
e v e r . . .
travesty. . .
evilness lie in wait. . .
v i l e l e x i s . . .
exists within the body of the one i love. . .
rusts of childhood memoirs. . .
youth ensnared. . .
to be in peter pan's pants
he settled in one. . .
insensitiveness consumes his
numb heart. . .
gullible, yet able. . .i long to
save and cradle his ambivalent self. . .juggling a schema
useless for a longing heart of mine. . .
s i l e n c e . . .
tomorrow is yet another misfortune. . .alas, i'm left with a heart to salvage. .
living in torment
is not an option. . .
ease me up. . .
nebulous. . .
Tuesday, April 3, 2007how are we suppose to deal with depression? we all have our own ways of dealing with it. .
there are moments when you are so totally in love with your partner you think you will just die if she/he isn't around, and there are moments where you're just not quite sure what you're doing with this person. .for me, the key to a successful long term relationship is communication. .even at my worst moments, the lines of communication need to be open. .but, there are times that i just want to shut everybody out and be alone for quite some time. .after a few struggling years, i decided to let go. .but first, i thought about what i would lose and what i would gain by "leaving" and by "staying." what kind of relationship do we have together? what plans do we have for the future? answers to these questions helped me understand what i'm feeling at the moment. .sometimes, we look for the path of least resistance out of a relationship. .
it is possible to love someone and just not be able to get along with that person. . no relationship is conflict-free. . the important thing is not whether you disagree, but how you disagree. .sometimes couples argue a lot because they have simply not developed simple, respectful ways of talking and listening. .sometimes they want to persuade the other person to change his/her opinion, behavior, or mind. .a couple can often make rapid progress toward a more harmonious relationship when poor communication is truly what's at issue. .on the other hand, in many cases, a relationship that has formed and endured despite constant disagreement and argument is a relationship that is perhaps not based on love between two independent adults, but rather between two co-dependent people, stuck in a challenging dynamic. .sometimes it's possible to sort out these kinds of relationships. .remember, it is important, when it comes to relationships, to use your head, as well as listen to your heart. .a healthy relationship needs to make you feel good, not stressed or unhappy. .(gosh! i wish i have the knack to do this! arrgh!)
breaking up may be nobody's fault. .it can be hard but sometimes it might be the best thing for two people to make the decision that they cannot grow anymore in this relationship. .people may react differently when a relationship ends. .it is not uncommon to feel sad, angry, disbelief, guilt or relief. .managing these feelings may be hard. .it may take some time to accept that the relationship has ended and it is time to move on from the relationship. .sometimes the ending of a relationship can give you time to learn more about yourself, spend time with your friends and do things that you enjoy doing. .having someone you can talk to may be helpful. .
if you decide to dissolve the relationship, how do you get over that loss? it will probably be hard at first, and you may never get over it completely. what are your fears, how do you feel, what has changed, and how will you cope? one of the most difficult words to say, especially to ones you never want to close off from, is the longing and wanting to know they are still open for you. . i am lucky to have my family and friends for support. .allowed myself some time to grieve. . i realized that with time, people heal and move on. .
one last thought. .the grass isn't always greener on the other side (but sometimes, it is). .you have to decide if you want to take the risk to find out. .
obviously, im forever choking on my thoughts. . .dumugo na naman utak nyo sa kin! hahahha!
masarap nga ba?. . .
got this from a friend of mine. . .
bakit kaya minsan ang sarap magmahal kahit walang kapalit? naisip mo na ba iyon? kala mo okey lang… pero sobrang hirap…
masarap magmahal hindi ba? kahit ikaw, hindi ka sigurado sa pag-ibig ng taong mahal na mahal mo..minsan iniisip mo nalang na pagdating ng tamang panahon magiging maayos din ang lahat…sana nga!!! nang hindi ka naman mukhang tanga na umaasa sa wala…
minsan din ang sarap sarap isipin na minamahal ka ng taong mahal mo!!! yung tipong kayo na lang sana at hindi ang babaeng nakikita mong kasama nya na masaya at akala ang buong mundo ay kanilang kanila…
minsan din ang sarap bumalik sa nakaraan… yung tipong masaya pa kayo, parang mga batang walang problema… kung meron man parang, against all odds ang settings… pero may nakabitin pa ring tanong… ano kayang nangyari??? pero ang kadalasang kasagutan e:
1. kasi di pala kami para sa isat-isa;
2. nagkamali ako sa kanya;
3. iniwan lang nya ko ;
4. may iba na syang mahal;
5. niloko lang nya ko;
6. di ako gusto ng parents nya;
7. ayoko na puro nalang kami away;
8. masyado nya kong sinasaktan;
9. nagsawa na sya sakin;pero ito pinaka masakit:
10.hindi pala nya talaga ako mahal (parang panakip butas)
grabe hindi ba? pero kailan kaya natin maririnig na nagpapasalamat ang isang umiibig sa taong nakasakit at sinaktan sya? minsan naisip din kaya natin na kung ano ang kahalagahan ng isang bagay? yung kailangang bigyan ng halaga habang nandyan pa! Minsan kasi, saka lang natin nalalaman ang isang kahalagahan ng isang bagay pag wala na ito sa atin!!!
kaya minsan din isipin natin yung mga sinasabi, kinikilos, ginagawa natin kasi hindi lahat ng tao kayang tanggapin kung ano at paano natin ginagawa ang isang bagay!!! subukan nating magpasalamat sa kabila ng lahat…
A. kung sinaktan ka nya… magpasalamat ka dahil sya ang dahilan para tumibay ka;
B. kung niloko ka nya… patawarin mo at pasalamatan mo… dahil kung hindi sa kanya hindi mo mararamdam ang sakit na pwede ding maramdaman ng iba… at least hindi mo gagawain sa iba;
C. kung hindi ka nya minahal… pasalamatan mo!!! dahil at least kahit papano na-feel mo na minahal ka nya kahit hindi, pasalamat sya dahil ikaw
minahal mo sya ng buong buo;minsan kailangan lang natin harapin kung ano man ang nakasakit sa atin… piliting kalimutan… piliting harapin kung ano ang noon… noon lang yun… iba ang ngayon!!! dahil kung nasaktan ka man noon, ngayon mag-iingat ka na at alam mo na kung ano dapat at hindi para hindi masaktan.
mahalin mo ang mga taong nakasakit sayo dahil sila ang dahilan para maging matibay ka!!!! para sa susunod di kana basta-basta padalos-dalos. pasalamatan mo ang taong nakasakit sayo…
sino ba ang mas mahalaga, ang taong mahal mo o ang taong gusto mong mahalin?
ang taong kasama mo buong araw o ang taong iniisip mo bago matapos ang araw?
siya bang kasa-kasama mo sa lahat ng ginagawa mo o siyang dahilan ng lahat ng galaw at ginagawa mo?
sino ba ang mas mahalaga… yung taong nais mong makasama habang buhay o yung taong hindi mo makita ang habang buhay kapag wala
siya?sino ang mas matimbang… yung taong pag kasama mo'y parang kay bilis ng oras o yung taong tuwing iniicp mo'y parang kay bagal ng
oras?ano ang susundin mo… ang dinidikta mo sa puso mo o ang dinidikta ng puso mo syo?
sya ba un laging pumapasok sa isip mo o siya yung laging laman ng panaginip mo?
sino nga ba… ang taong nagpaluha syo, o ang taong nagpunas sa minsang pagluha mo?
sino sa kanila… ang taong nagpapatawa syo o ang taong dahilan ng lahat ng iyong emosyon?
sino nga bang pipiliin mo?
ANG TAONG MULING NAGBUKAS NG PUSO MO..
O ANG TAONG MATAGAL NG NANDOON?
dating 101. . .
“..will he call when he says he’ll call?
who would make the first move?
is it ok just to text?
dating’s a modern minefield..”
there comes a point in every woman’s life where she is in constant state of waiting to be swept off her feet. .after going through the motions of number exchange, the first follow-up phone call, the text message flirting and setting a time and a date, my expectations had reached an unrealistic all-time high. .and then, in a matter of a few hours, the first date was over and done with and instead of being swept away, the usual anxieties set in. .
what next?
will he call?
should I call?
how long should I wait?
when it comes to navigating the minefield that is modern dating, is there any room for antiquated rules or has dating finally entered the realm of no rules?
dubai is filled to the brim with seemingly liberated women, forging brilliant careers, living independent lives and taking control of their destiny. .but when it comes to men and dating, many are quick to revert back to traditional gender roles that are entirely useless and often completely arbitrary. .according to someone, who’s currently on date number four with a new interest: “you tell your girlfriends that you’re following the rules, but there’s always room for cheating..” in her case, cheating comes by way of text message, arguably one of the most revolutionary tools to alter the way men and women interact..”by sending a text message, women can avoid by the phone and willing it to ring, and rest assured that they haven’t broken the rule of not being the first to call,” she admits. .
while officially staying within the bounds of not calling the guy, text messages are technological equivalent of making eye contact, where things can be left open to interpretation. .the inclusion of smiley faces, winks, exclamation points and other punctuation is all part of portraying the right message. .for men, this might sound a lot like an alien language, seeing as they are the less analytical sex and more often than not do away with any rulebooks and instead to go with instinct. .
one thirty-something bachelor says: “if i say i’m going to call, i will call. .you just have to trust your instincts with a girl, there’s no point in playing games and sticking to pre-set game plan. .” this will come as news to many women who waste their time trying to second-guess what the next move will be. .his attitude to women and dating is more laissez-faire, believing that “rules always work against you. .the universe is just too smart for that, so instead of obsessing about calling, why not just pick up the phone and talk?”. .it’s all grist to the mill though because no matter how many exceptions to the rule there are out there, the standard attitude towards dating etiquette will almost always stand true. .women will most likely wait, if not expect the man to be the first to initiate contact and propose a date. .
and that’s not even considering the rules on who pays..while women’s level of sanity decreases in proportion to the number of dates (more dates, more interest, more obsessing) men are usually just playing things by ear. .by bowing down to the predetermined cultural expectations of being the initiators, they are working on their own schedule and usually clueless to the nerve-wracking activities the women are indulging in ..popular culture phenomena like “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, not to mention the whole dating how-to books in self-helps sections and shows like “Sex and the City”, have created monsters of men and women. .
with so many confusing and conflicting cultural references floating around, it becomes easy to ignore your natural instinct and instead become consumed with trying to perfect a step-by-step process to dating and relationships. .although dating can be a harrowing experience, there are undeniable perks, regardless of how much second-guessing goes on. .although none of my expectations were met on my first date, i was left with that feeling of anticipation for the second date – regardless of who calls first. .as it happened, neither of us called. .
i sent a text message. .
. . .
THE ONLY DATING RULES WORTH STICKING TO
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